When Lily first reached out for support, one of her biggest fears was that she wasn’t “sick enough” to deserve help.
Today, she is sharing her eating disorder recovery story in the hope that it might help someone else who is struggling.
If you’re finding yourself in a similar place, we hope her story brings you hope.
1. When you first reached out for help, what were you struggling with?
I had been struggling with food for a while, thinking that I needed to lose more and more weight and believing that certain foods were unsafe or had too many calories. The turning point for me was wanting to eat some pasta and realising that I was scared of it and that I couldn’t eat the meal I had made. The fear around food, especially things that I saw as unhealthy, was stopping me from socializing because I knew my eating habits were odd compared to my friends.
I was so focused on food and calories that I wasn’t actually living my life.
2. What were your biggest worries about recovery back then?
I had two main fears that were very contradictory.
First, I fully believed that I was not sick enough and that I would have the first call with Sasha and she would tell me that I wasn’t yet bad enough and that I would need to come back when I was worse.
Secondly, I was worried that I was past the point of no return and that I would never be able to recover.
I was also incredibly scared of change. I didn’t want to have to change my eating habits, I didn’t want to gain weight, and I was terrified of the changes I knew needed to happen.
3. What was it like working through recovery?
It was hard, but it was also so so rewarding. Sasha never pushed me too far, and was always there for the hard times.
I was terrified to start with, but then I realised that I was happier, I had more energy, and my thoughts around food and weight were quieter. I found myself starting to feel more and more motivated, and I was able to compassionately respond to my eating disorder thoughts to challenge some of the fears I had.
It was a process, and took a lot of work and determination, but it was very much worth it.
4. What has changed for you since starting recovery?
Everything has changed for me, I have got my life back.
I am no longer scared of certain foods, I have so much more freedom around food, and I am so much kinder to myself now.
I have noticed that I am now able to eat with my friends without panic even when plans are spontaneous. I can eat out at restaurants without having to research the lowest calorie option on the menu. I have more energy, I am overthinking less, I am able to focus more, and I am happy.
I actually allow myself to enjoy food now!
5. Where are you now?
I know there are still things to work on, and I know that recovery is not a straight line, but I finally have hope that I can fully recover. Looking back on how I was at the start of this process, I can only be happy that I am no longer feeling that way. Everything has changed for me, and I am filled with hope for the future.
6. If someone reading this is struggling with an eating disorder and unsure whether to reach out for support, what would you want them to know?
Firstly, do not wait any longer, you don’t need to get worse before you can seek help.
Secondly, recovery is a hard thing to go through, but it is harder to continue as you are. One of the first activities Sasha recommended was writing 5 year letters so that I could imagine what would happen 5 years from now if I didn’t make any changes. This was one of the main turning points for me, because I realised that I didn’t want to still be this way in 5 years time. I wanted to make a change.
If you are unsure if you want to reach out for support, think about if you want to continue as you are for the next 5 years, and think about what that would look like for you. Hopefully you will be able to see that changes need to be made, and it is easier to make those changes when someone like Sasha is supporting you every step of the way.
A Final Thought From Us
One of the things that stands out most in Lily’s story is that recovery became about much more than food.
When she first reached out, she described feeling consumed by thoughts about food and calories, and not really living her life.
Today, she talks about eating with friends without panic, being able to enjoy food again, and feeling hopeful about the future.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder and wondering whether recovery is possible for you, we hope Lily’s story offers a reminder that things can change.
Sometimes more than you imagine.
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If you found Lily’s story helpful, you might also like:
→ A Client’s Letter To Her Eating Disorder
→ Learn more about our Private Recovery Programme
