Overwhelm for someone suffering from an eating disorder can be a distressing experience, often triggering increased eating disorder thoughts and leading to unhealthy behaviours, in an effort to cope.
Today we hear from Ashley, who shares her birthday experience and how she was able to move from overwhelm to embracing her special day.
The Lead-Up
Recently, I celebrated a big birthday after looking forward to it for a while. The time off work, the celebrations with loved ones– what’s not to love?!
While it was such a happy time for those reasons, it was also tricky for me. Like other festivities such as Christmas, my eating disorder thoughts tend to increase around my birthday.
Celebrations so often centre around food, and I felt pressure around having to ‘look good’. I knew that I would need to push myself out of my comfort zone.
Even though these thoughts were present, I felt ready to embrace everything that was in store this year after working hard through recovery this past year.
Birthday Celebrations
The birthday celebrations started perfectly. My husband had surprised me with a beautiful break away for a few days, during which I felt great. I was present, enjoyed lovely food and wine and felt free. It was a lovely time.
It was only as we were heading back that the voice in my head crept back, telling me I had done enough celebrating, and it was time to ‘take back control’.
Surprise Party
Upon my return home, I came back to a semi-surprise party, where all the plans had been decided for me. The whole family was there, so the idea of ‘taking back control’ was quickly becoming unlikely.
I felt so out of control.
I was already having a terrible body image day, and the thought of eating more foods I don’t usually eat today made me super anxious.
Then I felt guilty for having these thoughts– I should be grateful to my family and able to embrace the moment. I’m so lucky to have a loving family who wants to celebrate with me and shouldn’t feel overwhelmed by this! I was so frustrated that my eating disorder was still trying to rule me after a year of recovery. I felt so overwhelmed and I felt stuck.
Tackling The Overwhelm
Today I share this experience because even though I felt all those things, I didn’t allow the eating disorder to ruin this special day. This time, I was able to use my support network and my recovery tools to move past it.
I started by reaching out to the community group on Facebook to ask for advice from my recovery group on how to move forward. It was such a tremendous help, and I am glad I found the courage to take this step.
Taking on board their advice and feeling comforted, I took a step back from the situation. I realised it was okay to feel this way and how valid my feelings were. After all, I was still in recovery, and recovery isn’t a straight road.
I picked up my journal and wrote down what a successful day would look like:
- To be present
- Enjoy precious quality time with friends
- Have fun in the sunshine
- Laugh!
My Coping Strategy
What came up through journaling made me realise that the party was never about the food. Food was there, but the party was about spending time with the most important people in my life. That is what I value most, and that is what I needed to focus on.
I then came up with some coping strategies:
- Wear a loose dress which I feel free in and can comfortably move and eat in
- Remind myself that I have permission to eat whatever I want
- Write down everything I have already achieved this week
- Share how I’m feeling and talk it through with my husband so he can check in with me throughout the day
The Outcome
Once I went through these steps, I felt a massive amount of relief. I was looking forward to joining the party again.
I’m so proud that I was able to acknowledge how I felt, ask for help and create a strategy to shift the overwhelm and mindset.
The party I was dreading turned out to be a fantastic day, and going through this experience has given me the confidence that when I have moments like this again, I will successfully navigate through them, each time with a bit more ease.
Our Thoughts: Tackling Overwhelm Through Recovery
We are so grateful to this recovery warrior for sharing her birthday experience. An experience that shows just how possible it is to continue learning through recovery and ultimately embrace the special moments in life.
Learn more about how we can support you through your recovery here.
