Dear Ed,
I am writing to let you know that I have had enough. I am putting an end to this toxic friendship now! You have kept me trapped and isolated me, and made me believe that you were the only friend I could get. And that no one else liked me or wanted to be around me.
You forced me into a life threatening relationship with exercise. You manipulated me into making me believe that to be healthy, loved and wanted I had to be skinny, that I had to earn food by over exercising. You made me turn away from the people that love me most and made them seem like monsters for wanting me to live freely and happily just because that meant food would be involved. You teased me every time I looked in the mirror or saw a photo of myself and bullied me until I started to believe it myself. You tricked me into believing that food was the enemy and something that was optional. You made me dread the moment the sun would rise, because every day with you felt like a torturous groundhog day. You deprived and made me feel undeserving of the nutrients my body needed to function and grow properly. You filled me with fear until my body was riddled with anxieties around food and the world. You blinded me from the beauties of life and nature. You consumed my brain with nothing but harmful lies and worries. You starved me until I lost not only weight, but myself too.
You made me feel like I was never enough, and for that I will never forgive you.
I have met a new friend. She lives in my mirror and I am getting to know her better every day. She seems familiar, almost like I have met her before. She’s happy, kind and friendly and reminds me every day of my worth and the fact that I am enough and deserving of food. She has my best interests at heart and accepts me no matter what I look like. She tells me that I am loved and that I am so much more than the way I look. She is all the things you are not and I am so excited for our relationship to flourish and grateful that I can spend the rest of my life with her!
Goodbye Ed, you will not be missed.
This brave client gave us permission to share her beautiful and empowering letter to show you how possible it is to find yourself through recovery. The eating disorder voice can be loud and may at times feel like a friend. But when we start our recovery journey, we find a different type of friend within us.
In this powerful farewell, this client shows that it is possible to challenge our persistent inner voice and to reconnect with our true selves and the world around us. She shows how transformative the process of breaking free from an eating disorder can be, and that her recovery is bringing forward a new friendship that stems from within.
HERE’S TO NEW FRIENDSHIPS AND A FUTURE WHERE WORTH IS SEPARATE FROM WEIGHT, AND SELF-LOVE ISN’T CONDITIONAL!
